I was an Anti-Bride…and I am admitting this for a few reasons:
- Weddings, weddings, everywhere! We are having so many weddings at work, like three a weekend.
- I just had my five year wedding anniversary with Mr. JD and my friends/coworkers keep asking me what my wedding was like.
- People assume that because you know a lot about special, formal events that you must have planned one for yourself, right? I was helping run an event last night and even the ice sculpture guy asked me where I got married and what my reception was like.
For all these reasons (and more) I am embracing my anti-bride status and am kind of really proud of it. Not that I hate brides—I don’t. Many people I love dearly have been brides, I was just not a typical bride—nor did I want to be.
My husband and I were married five years ago in Columbus, Ohio in a hit-and-run ceremony that lasted about 5 minutes. Nothing was planned except for paperwork. We didn’t have rings or personalized vows—we didn’t even have time for vows—and I wore a pretty yellow sundress that I had bought from a thrift store.
Sounds like the opposite of what everyone else experiences on their wedding day, right? Well here’s why…I didn’t care. I didn’t care that I wasn’t wearing a $1,500 dress or had a table adorned with rustic tablescapes and clever programs (I’ve had to proofread enough programs to last me a lifetime). What I can tell you is that on my wedding day I got to give my full attention to my husband without worrying about the caterer, the reception, or writing 100 thank you cards for gifts I registered for.
As a little girl, I never dreamed about having a wedding. More so, I just wondered who I would end up marrying. After dating for a few years, Mr. JD and I were living together, very young, in school, and working full time with no help. We had been engaged for quite awhile and didn’t want to be irresponsible and go into debt or spend $20,000 on a wedding (we have student loans and wanted to buy a house, after all). Some people are lucky enough to have their parents chip in; they buy the dress, spring for the invitations, the venue, etc. My parents we’re headed for a nasty divorce, I was pretty estranged from my father (so I didn’t have anyone to walk me down he aisle) — so I couldn’t ask them to do that — and I never would have accepted their financial help anyways. Honestly, my parents probably couldn’t afford to participate in a big hoopla and because my friends from New England would have to travel, I didn’t want to put that burden on them. Just to complicate things more, my husband was about 9 months away from taking the bar exam, the hardest exam he would probably ever take.
So..what to do? Get married in the most unapologetically, fly-by-the-seat-of-your-pants way! I get asked a lot if I regret basically having a court house “wedding”. My answer is always, “It depends on the day”. Sometimes I see “pinspiration” that gets to me a little bit, but at work I am always helping to implement/plan events and fundraisers, so I have an outlet for that.
Though I didn’t have a wedding, I do deeply appreciate things my friends have done at their weddings. The special things. There’s nothing more boring than the standard rustic, wedding. My Rentals Manager at work says she hears the words whimsical, rustic, and fairytale so often when people talk about their wedding themes. I do, however, adore seeing things at special events that are unique and meaningful. My friend Denise, who is Malaysian, hand folded 1000 paper cranes because in Asian cultures it brings good luck to the person who folded them. They made stunning decorations with fun pops of color at her reception. It was a great nod to culture and an inexpensive way to decorate.
So, what would I do if I went back and had more time and support? Probably nothing significantly different. My husband and I hate being the center of attention and we don’t subscribe to the notion that, “it’s our special day”. In fact, my husband said, (not too long ago) “I didn’t need a self-congratulatory party to marry you.” I guess I know where he stands!
I do, however, personally believe that asking people to celebrate a moment in your life shouldn’t mean putting yourself on a pedestal. No head tables, no wedding showers, no 40 minute speeches about how great the bride and groom are. My husband and I know we’re perfect for each other. If I could go back all I would want was maybe a fun, early fall night, a bonfire with all my family and friends, and a movie marathon on an outside projector—sitting on blankets just hanging out. Simply appreciating a moment when I have everyone important to me together, because as an adult—it happens so rarely.
But hey, to each his/her own! Long story short, you won’t see any pictures of my “wedding” on here — there were really none to take. However, you will see fun crafty things you could incorporate into a wedding…and a lot of love between my husband and I, because that’s truly what’s important in the end.